To Oslo I will go!

It's been a long time so there's lots to share, and it's late at night, so this won't be the prettiest, but here we go!

I have officially been accepted to study abroad in Oslo, Norway for next fall semester! I'm terrified, excited, nervous, unsure - all of the emotions you can imagine, I'm probably feeling. Last week I also freaked out because I am 99% sure that I am the only person travelling from my school to that specific program - something I was not expecting and still don't know how I feel about. I technically have until April 15th to decide/commit to going for sure, but I'm hoping that I don't chicken out and decide not to go. So yes, preparations are beginning with that.

I have also applied to the Wisconsin School of Business! I was undecided whether I wanted to pursue actuarial science through the business school (and give up some scholarship money) or through the college of letters and science, but after much deliberation and praying, I decided to go with my gut and apply to the business school. I won't find out until mid-summer, but if all goes well, I will be graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a BBA. :)

Another thing I will find out this summer - the result of exam MLC! I am very nervous about the next actuarial test, which is three weeks from today! I am not feeling prepared at all. It is difficult to study and devote time to that exam while also trying to stay up on school work and current classes. In fact, I took a test tonight and have two more this week. It's a lot to handle, and it's really testing me on my ability to rely on God to give me strength and peace.

This past weekend was great - I almost went to the final four game in Texas, but at the last minute decided to stay back in Madison. Although I'm sure Texas would've been fun, I had a really great weekend here. Of course, I studied a lot, but I also went to the Union on Saturday to watch the game with a bunch of friends (although the outcome was very sad, the day and game itself were great!). Then, on Sunday, my bible study was taken on a creative date by a sophomore men's bible study! They led us on a scavenger hunt throughout campus, ending with a bonfire at picnic point. It was a blast, and super nice to be served in such a fun, creative way. For dinner, we even had "build-your-own" baked potatoes cooked in the fire. I also learned how to play spikeball! I'm definitely a fan. It also left me feeling good about Cru - I may try to make it to a weekly meeting again sometime. I'm not a big-group kinda gal, so I haven't been attending the big-group weekly meeting much this year, but maybe I'll try it out again soon!

Although we were served wonderfully by the men, it led me to a stark realization. I still really, really like the same boy that has been on my mind for over a year now. Most people around me have known/seen this, but I always figured that if someone else came along, I would move on just fine. But this past weekend, although the intent was not a romantic date, I was thinking about how I would feel if one of the men started to pursue me, and I realized that I would simply be disappointed that it wasn't the one boy I'm interested in. I don't know what that means - I know that whatever God has planned for my life is way better than anything I could come up with, whether that includes this particular boy, or a different one, or none at all, but I also know that we have to be active in living out God's plan. I'm really starting to feel like I may need to take action to voice these feelings so that they can be dealt with. That's a terrifying thought, but I have the feeling that it may need to happen sooner rather than later. ...especially because of the small detail that we will also be working together this summer.

That's a fairly brief update of my life! I hope all of you are doing well, and are feeling as blessed in your lives as I have been in mine! God is so great; I'm thankful to be reminded of this everyday. :)

-T

Sweet, dreaded summertime.

Well, if I had to pick one word to describe this past week, it would be rough. Since I last posted, I got a job (one of those opportunities that happened moments after turning down the camp counselor offer) and worked the entire week. It was exhausting, I was miserable. I'm not exactly sure why, because the job itself is a good opportunity, working with good people. Basically, I'm learning a computer programming language through hands-on experience. It's about 30 hours a week, but then on average, I ref three nights a week as well, so by the end of the day, I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. What I hate the most, however, is the feeling of having no time.. or, rather, the pressure to make the free time I do have count. For example, this weekend - finally two days off - I feel like I should be doing something really exciting with them and using them to the max. In other words, I detest the overwhelming pressure I feel to "make weekends count." It's only the middle of Saturday afternoon, and I'm already dreading the next week. The dread of the week to come is both taking over the time I have off and making me feel intense pressure to enjoy this time. I'm so stressed and irritable.

I went from having the entire summer to myself, able to just fill a day with an adventure if I wanted, to having no time..and anything I want to do has to be planned way in advance. I'm not a fan.

So, I know I should be trying to be positive about this and try to make the most out of my summer, but I'm really struggling. I'm not happy with where I'm at, but I don't really see a way out. Everyday I regret not going to the camp. There, I would be with other counselors my own age, truly impacting kids in God's will. I'm struggling to see how God can use me in the situation I'm in, but I'm going to do my best to trust that he can.

On an entirely different note, I've been thinking a lot about romantic relationships right now - pursuing them, not pursuing them, potential people I want to end up with - a lot running through my mind. But just this morning, I saw a picture of a couple who's been together for over 60 years. I would love to find my soulmate and spend over 60 years with him. Isn't that the dream of most girls and women? But sometimes I think we are so rushed to find our future spouse, that we try so hard to make the "wrong" person work. Maybe the guy I've been crushing on IS my future husband...most likely, he's not...but either way, why should I be worried about making him like me? I want my husband to be totally in love with me and excited to spend the rest of our lives together, pursuing God, and creating a family..if I have to try to make someone like me now, would not the rest of my life be spent in constant doubt wondering if my husband truly loves me? That sounds miserable. So, I'm not saying it's wrong to pursue a relationship..but I also think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not it's going to work out. Stop worrying and let God take over. I'm trusting in him to lead me to my other half. He knows way better than I do.. so why should I worry?