Merry Christmas!

Well, wow. I've survived another semester at the University of Wisconsin. It's been quite a while since I've posted, but this just means I have lots to catch you up on!

After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.

After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.

Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:

• I have started swimming a bit again. The first half of this past semester I was attending Club Swimming practices fairly regularly, and hope to schedule them in more consistently for the coming semester. 
• I have officially accepted a summer actuarial internship position at a consulting firm near Milwaukee, WI. After a month or so filled with extensive interviews and even a few plane rides and fancy hotels, I am confident that my coming summer will be a wonderful opportunity to grow both professionally and personally.
• I finished the semester with a 4.0! My appeal to apply to the Business School, despite being over the credit limit, was granted, and I plan to apply this coming spring. 
• My roommate from first semester is studying abroad next semester, so I will be soon assigned my fourth random roommate - prayers that God helps me use this situation in whatever way He plans would be greatly appreciated! 
• As some of you may remember, I had some issues with my current group of friends at the beginning of the semester, many of which stemmed from my depression as their root cause. God has faithfully and gracefully worked to restore these friendships through honesty and forgiveness. Although there are still some moments that are tough, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with these women in my life. 

That's all for now - I doubt that I will post again before leaving for TCX, so I wish you all a very happy new year! May God bless the end of 2013 and bring in a wonderful 2014!

Well, Wow.

In the past week and a half or so, my life has been a rollercoaster, as cliche as that sounds. I've been struggling a lot with sliding back toward depression and pulling myself away from my friends. At the same time, I've been exceedingly overcommitted with classes, work, various clubs and organizations, and BadgerCru. Just as my excitement and passion for being back on campus was being drained away by all of these things, my closest friends here and I had a fairly large misunderstanding. I'll spare you the details, but basically what transpired left me in a much worse place than where I had started the week - not the thing I needed to be added to my plate. So, that was last Wednesday night - I was up until 3:30 AM, crying, tossing and turning, frustrated, and angry. As you may imagine, that's not a good combination.

Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.

This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.

So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.

Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.

Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!

I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!

-Theresa

Back in my city!

Yesterday morning, I arrived in Madison for the semester - to be honest, I was extremely excited to be back all summer, and then just the beginning of this week I started having second thoughts. My little brother's birthday was Monday night, and then Tuesday and Wednesday I took him to school in the morning. Because yesterday morning was the last time I'll see him, I gave him a hug and then I almost cried on the way back to my house. It was sad!

Now that I'm here, however, I'm happy to be back with my friends. About half of our "pod" has arrived - there are 10 girls in a pod, and 7 of us all knew each other and chose to live in a pod, and then my roommate and one of the other rooms were random girls. My roommate seems nice and easy to get along with, so I'm not too worried! Last night, after we were all moved in and made it through our house meeting, we all just hung out and caught up a bit. Tonight should be more of the same! 

Colleen and I in front of our "second home"
(also, note my reddish hair!!!!)

Today I haven't done much exciting - my friend Colleen and I ran a  few errands- picking up our football tickets, going to Walgreens, and stopping in front of the business school - the place we like to call our second home. All in all, I've walked about 4 miles today - definitely a sign I'm back on campus! Then, tonight I hit up the pool with Colleen to swim a quick workout, before meeting a few other people from our floor. The people I've met have all seemed friendly and nice, so I'm optimistic for this year!



Adios for now!
-Theresa