Well, Wow.

In the past week and a half or so, my life has been a rollercoaster, as cliche as that sounds. I've been struggling a lot with sliding back toward depression and pulling myself away from my friends. At the same time, I've been exceedingly overcommitted with classes, work, various clubs and organizations, and BadgerCru. Just as my excitement and passion for being back on campus was being drained away by all of these things, my closest friends here and I had a fairly large misunderstanding. I'll spare you the details, but basically what transpired left me in a much worse place than where I had started the week - not the thing I needed to be added to my plate. So, that was last Wednesday night - I was up until 3:30 AM, crying, tossing and turning, frustrated, and angry. As you may imagine, that's not a good combination.

Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.

This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.

So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.

Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.

Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!

I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!

-Theresa

One day at a time

For lack of a better word, this past week has been a doozy. My boss has water spurting from around his well at a rate of 75 gallons per minute. It is now 11 days in, which is the equivalent of 1.1 million gallons of water, and there is no real solution in sight. Since I have no words of wisdom or consolation on the matter, every day at work has been a struggle to find the right words and remain positive.
Thursday night, a close friend of mine from school contacted me with more tragic news. A good friend of his had committed suicide. Although I did not personally know him, I knew several people who were closely affected. Once again, I've been at a loss of the right words to say and when to say them.
It's been an emotionally exhausting week, and by this weekend I was relying solely on God to give me the strength and wisdom to even keep me afloat.
Friday afternoon, my front tire popped while going 70 mph on the highway. For anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's terrifying. There's a loud bang followed by a reduction of steering control. Being near the exit for my house, I just wanted to get off the highway. I managed to do so and pull into a nearby parking lot. Purely by the grace of God, my older brother happened to be leaving home at that exact time and saw me. Any other day, he would have been at work miles and miles away. Luckily and thankfully, I remained in control of my car, made it off the highway safely with no injuries to myself or (with the exception of the blown out tire) the car.
This past week has given me perspective. I have to live one day at a time, whether going through the best week or the worst one.
My week culminated with the citywide end of season soccer tournament. After 15 years of playing, this was the first time I participated only as a ref. It definitely caused some feelings of nostalgia, but I do enjoy reffing. Well, really I just enjoy the people I get to spend time with while reffing. Yesterday, things started to pick up, which is hopefully indicating the start of a better week.
Regardless, I've become recentered on Christ, stronger in my ability to admit my weakness and rely on God to give me strength.
Still praying for my boss and all of those affected by the suicide - and I know any additional prayers would be appreciated.
"I know the sun will rise again."