Week one, done!

I am officially three days into my summer actuarial internship. I love the people at my job - they are all friendly, funny, and brilliant! It's still a bit overwhelming and I'm a little anxious to start working on my first project, but I know that God will be with me and help me through it!

All in all, however, this week has spoiled me! Tuesday my mom and I drove here, I moved into my hotel, and then I went to the Brewer game, where we got to sit in the Dew Deck! Wednesday was my first day of work, and it featured a LOT of introductions, meetings, and getting to know my way around the office. Like I said, everyone is super friendly and welcoming! They also took us out to lunch at Stir Crazy, which was delicious. After my first day of work, Alex and Colleen met me at my hotel and we went out to dinner to celebrate Alex's birthday. The food was not pleasing in the slightest, but afterward, we went to Kopp's for custard, which certainly made up for what the food lacked!

On Thursday I had a bit more open time but also more meetings and introductions. When we went down for lunch, a group of coworkers asked us if we wanted to play Telestrations with them. It was a ton of fun! Then, after work, I ventured to a nearby Walgreens and successfully purchased some cookies and Tupperware! Later in the evening I went to Alex's house for a bonfire and got to meet some of her friends.

Finally, that brings me to today. We were free all day today at work - which meant a lot of time to spend just looking through company files and excel sheets. It still went pretty quickly, though. And one of the other longer-term interns approached us around lunchtime and asked us if we wanted to join them for lunch. So we walked across the street to a local mall and ate in the food court.

Tonight has been relatively low-key. I found a grocery store nearby and bought a few more things. Then I ran and have just been taking it easy for the night! My roommate/the fourth intern comes tomorrow night, so I'm enjoying my last night of living by myself! :) It is a bit boring though. I might go to sleep soon just for lack of anything better to do.

Anyways, that's my life, at least recently. May God be with you!

To Oslo I will go!

It's been a long time so there's lots to share, and it's late at night, so this won't be the prettiest, but here we go!

I have officially been accepted to study abroad in Oslo, Norway for next fall semester! I'm terrified, excited, nervous, unsure - all of the emotions you can imagine, I'm probably feeling. Last week I also freaked out because I am 99% sure that I am the only person travelling from my school to that specific program - something I was not expecting and still don't know how I feel about. I technically have until April 15th to decide/commit to going for sure, but I'm hoping that I don't chicken out and decide not to go. So yes, preparations are beginning with that.

I have also applied to the Wisconsin School of Business! I was undecided whether I wanted to pursue actuarial science through the business school (and give up some scholarship money) or through the college of letters and science, but after much deliberation and praying, I decided to go with my gut and apply to the business school. I won't find out until mid-summer, but if all goes well, I will be graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a BBA. :)

Another thing I will find out this summer - the result of exam MLC! I am very nervous about the next actuarial test, which is three weeks from today! I am not feeling prepared at all. It is difficult to study and devote time to that exam while also trying to stay up on school work and current classes. In fact, I took a test tonight and have two more this week. It's a lot to handle, and it's really testing me on my ability to rely on God to give me strength and peace.

This past weekend was great - I almost went to the final four game in Texas, but at the last minute decided to stay back in Madison. Although I'm sure Texas would've been fun, I had a really great weekend here. Of course, I studied a lot, but I also went to the Union on Saturday to watch the game with a bunch of friends (although the outcome was very sad, the day and game itself were great!). Then, on Sunday, my bible study was taken on a creative date by a sophomore men's bible study! They led us on a scavenger hunt throughout campus, ending with a bonfire at picnic point. It was a blast, and super nice to be served in such a fun, creative way. For dinner, we even had "build-your-own" baked potatoes cooked in the fire. I also learned how to play spikeball! I'm definitely a fan. It also left me feeling good about Cru - I may try to make it to a weekly meeting again sometime. I'm not a big-group kinda gal, so I haven't been attending the big-group weekly meeting much this year, but maybe I'll try it out again soon!

Although we were served wonderfully by the men, it led me to a stark realization. I still really, really like the same boy that has been on my mind for over a year now. Most people around me have known/seen this, but I always figured that if someone else came along, I would move on just fine. But this past weekend, although the intent was not a romantic date, I was thinking about how I would feel if one of the men started to pursue me, and I realized that I would simply be disappointed that it wasn't the one boy I'm interested in. I don't know what that means - I know that whatever God has planned for my life is way better than anything I could come up with, whether that includes this particular boy, or a different one, or none at all, but I also know that we have to be active in living out God's plan. I'm really starting to feel like I may need to take action to voice these feelings so that they can be dealt with. That's a terrifying thought, but I have the feeling that it may need to happen sooner rather than later. ...especially because of the small detail that we will also be working together this summer.

That's a fairly brief update of my life! I hope all of you are doing well, and are feeling as blessed in your lives as I have been in mine! God is so great; I'm thankful to be reminded of this everyday. :)

-T

I know the sun will rise!

I realize it's been a while since I last posted an update about my life. A lot has happened, so I will be brief about each. Spring semester at UW-Madison is well underway; at the end of the month, I have 4 midterms in 4 days. That being said, however, I'm managing to stay afloat much better this semester. Classes are difficult, but my base level of happiness and peace is leaps ahead of where it was in the fall. Winter is dragging on and on, although the high of 40 today brings much needed relief from the cold!

This morning, I bought my subscription to Coaching Actuaries, a website designed to give us actuaries the best chance of passing the actuarial exams. I used their services for Exam P and was very pleased with the result, so I've decided to use it again for Exam MLC, which is now 69 days away! I'm a little nervous, but I'm also hoping that I will be studying little by little to avoid the awful stress when my countdown reaches single digits.

This Thursday marks the 4 year anniversary of Natalie Bolin's death. Natalie was a swimming teammate of mine in high school, who died in a car accident involving 3 other swimming teammates. It's an emotional time, although also an inspiring one. Natalie's motto was I know the sun will rise. I've been striving to apply that mindset to my daily life. Natalie's birthday was also in February, on the 27th. This would have been her 21st birthday, so my home swim team hosts a memorial swim in which swimmers complete 21 repetitions of some distance. I didn't go to the event this year, although yesterday I swam 21x100's on my own. It was a tough workout, considering I have not been staying in shape as much as I'd like to, but I finished it! It was thrilling to finish in honor of Natalie.

Finally, my other big news is that I'm planning to study abroad next fall! I have almost completed my application, and will be submitting it shortly. My finalized list (at least for now) of top choices is:

1. Oslo, Norway
2. Vienna, Austria
3. Copenhagen, Denmark

To say that I'm excited would be to understate my enthusiasm. Not many of my close friends at school know about it yet, because I wanted to wait until it was finalized. Regardless, the friends that do know about it are excited with me!

I should probably be getting back to studying, so goodbye for now! Prayers for God's will in my adventures next fall, as well as all those who are affected by/remembering Natalie this week would be greatly appreciated! May the sun keep shining down on all of you. :)

-T

Merry Christmas!

Well, wow. I've survived another semester at the University of Wisconsin. It's been quite a while since I've posted, but this just means I have lots to catch you up on!

After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.

After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.

Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:

• I have started swimming a bit again. The first half of this past semester I was attending Club Swimming practices fairly regularly, and hope to schedule them in more consistently for the coming semester. 
• I have officially accepted a summer actuarial internship position at a consulting firm near Milwaukee, WI. After a month or so filled with extensive interviews and even a few plane rides and fancy hotels, I am confident that my coming summer will be a wonderful opportunity to grow both professionally and personally.
• I finished the semester with a 4.0! My appeal to apply to the Business School, despite being over the credit limit, was granted, and I plan to apply this coming spring. 
• My roommate from first semester is studying abroad next semester, so I will be soon assigned my fourth random roommate - prayers that God helps me use this situation in whatever way He plans would be greatly appreciated! 
• As some of you may remember, I had some issues with my current group of friends at the beginning of the semester, many of which stemmed from my depression as their root cause. God has faithfully and gracefully worked to restore these friendships through honesty and forgiveness. Although there are still some moments that are tough, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with these women in my life. 

That's all for now - I doubt that I will post again before leaving for TCX, so I wish you all a very happy new year! May God bless the end of 2013 and bring in a wonderful 2014!

Well, Wow.

In the past week and a half or so, my life has been a rollercoaster, as cliche as that sounds. I've been struggling a lot with sliding back toward depression and pulling myself away from my friends. At the same time, I've been exceedingly overcommitted with classes, work, various clubs and organizations, and BadgerCru. Just as my excitement and passion for being back on campus was being drained away by all of these things, my closest friends here and I had a fairly large misunderstanding. I'll spare you the details, but basically what transpired left me in a much worse place than where I had started the week - not the thing I needed to be added to my plate. So, that was last Wednesday night - I was up until 3:30 AM, crying, tossing and turning, frustrated, and angry. As you may imagine, that's not a good combination.

Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.

This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.

So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.

Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.

Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!

I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!

-Theresa

Go Badgers!

Two of my friends and I cheering on
 the Badgers at their home opener

Two football games in, and we've outscored our opponents 93-0. What a start! Because I was lucky enough to get season tickets this year, I've been to both games (which were very very hot). It's always electrifying to be in Camp Randall on game day, and these days were no different. The singing of Varsity at the beginning and end of the game is always enough to give me chills.

Hanging out at the Union

Unfortunately, however, I've had a bit of a rough start otherwise. I've had good moments, and made good memories, but I feel like I just have this curtain of doubt and unhappiness that I keep falling back on. I'm struggling with my faith and with my friendships and overall trust - in God, in my friends and in myself. I'm very seriously doubting my ability to lead a Bible Study this year, as I'm already finding myself dreading all things involved with that commitment.

Last night, I was talking to a close friend of mine about all of this - something I find incredibly difficult. It's hard for me to acknowledge my struggles and talk openly about things I'm having a difficult time with. I feel like I am a burden to my friends and that I'm relying on them to fix problems that are not at all their responsibility or obligation to deal with. Of course, they claim that it's not a problem, but I can't help but feel guilty.

I'm doubting my faith, something I've never really dealt with before, and because so many people see me as being so confident in Christ, I'm not sure who to turn to. Tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with my co-leader for bible study, and I'm praying for the courage, strength, and honesty to tell her all of this, but I'm just not sure that I can. If any or all of you could say a prayer for me, I'd appreciate it greatly. I know that God allows us to struggle in our lives and it can help us to grow, but right now I'm just feeling like I'm suffocating.

Classes have started, work has started, I'm pushing away my friends, and I'm doubting my faith. Things are crashing in on me, and I'm struggling for the strength to keep moving forward. I need to cling fast to my life motto - "Life goes on."

I'm thankful for supportive friends and family and all of the blessings I've been given in my life - I pray that you are feeling loved and blessed in your own life, too!

Sweet Summer Days

I've just begun my last week at home - and by week, I really mean only 2 more days before I leave for Madison! I have a lot of packing yet to do, although I'd have to say I'm currently more on track this year compared to last year. Last year, I was up all night before moving into the dorm, running to the store to get things and pack up the car. As one might imagine, this led to a long, exhausting day and wasn't the best first day to be away from home. SO, this year I'm trying not to repeat!

This past week, I finished my last day of work on Thursday - although it was a very anti-climatic end. The prior week, I confirmed with my boss that I would be done this Thursday, and then when I went to leave work on Thursday and awkwardly said, "So, this was my last day..", my boss was shocked. He had completely forgotten when I was going to be done. As a result of this lack of communication, I have to go back next week, but only for a free lunch, which I think I can handle. :)

On Friday and Saturday, I was in Whitewater at a Cru Leadership Advance retreat. It was a chance for all of the men and women who will be leading at either Whitewater or Madison to meet up, determine goals for the upcoming year, develop a plan, and ultimately pray for our campuses. It was wonderful to be back in such a supportive community after somewhat of a rough summer for me spiritually. I've been struggling a bit to keep my faith, lately finding that I've been questioning and doubting God a lot. So, strengthening my community with all of these spiritually encouraging people was awesome. I will be helping to lead a freshmen women's bible study with a close friend and my bible study leader from last year. This means that I will have to personally strengthen my ability to share my faith and approach people to initiate spiritual conversations. This is something that I think I will struggle with, so I will absolutely be praying for God's strength to help me and lead me to the freshmen ladies he wants me to speak with!

Today, I was in Madison at my aunt's hair salon with my mom - and I dyed my hair! I'm the chief of last-minute decisions (mostly because I'm also the chief of indecision), so once we got there, I decided to dye my hair a dark reddish brown! It's not too big of a change, but it's just enough that I can start the school year feeling a little bold!

I'm off to pack, and this is probably the last time you'll hear from me until I am once again living in Madison! That is both terrifying and exciting! I'm very excited to see the ways God will move me this year - I'm sure it will be an adventure!

-T

Another family vacation is on the horizon!

Although I thought that the end of soccer season/nights spent reffing would leave me with more than enough free time, I've once again managed to fill it up quickly! Tomorrow night is dinner and hanging out with a couple friends, Thursday night is dinner with two close friends and their boyfriends, and on Friday afternoon, we leave to go camping as a family - the start of a week-long adventure! Meanwhile, I'm still working about 6 hours Monday-Friday as a wannabe programmer - although both yesterday and today I've worked 30 to 45 minutes extra. I'm extremely happy to report, however, that things do seem to be starting to click! I've been able to program a little bit on my own, and often the problems that I'm unable to solve take my bosses a while to figure out, too! I'm still not thinking this is the career path I want in life, but I have begrudgingly started to admit that there are moments where solving a programming problem can be almost.. fun! Since I will be off next week, I'm down to only 2.5 weeks left to work, which is hard to believe!

I'm also happy to report that I've been back on track with my running. Two weeks ago, I logged 13 miles, last week was 15, and this week I've already run 8.5! To reach my goal of 100 by the time I go back to school, I have about 48 left to go. I'm determined, and barring any injury or other unexpected circumstance, I think I'll be able to reach that goal!

I've also started teaching myself how to play piano again. That project started toward the end of my junior year of high school, and continued with a Class II piano solo at Solo/Ensemble my senior year. Last summer and this past fall I didn't make time to keep practicing, and it wasn't until I discovered the grand piano in the basement of my dorm spring semester that I realized how much I actually missed it. Again, though, by the end of the semester and the beginning of the summer, practicing was not a priority, and much of the progress I had made on my latest "goal song" seemed to be lost. This had a bit of a snowball effect, as I was dreading discovering how much I had fallen behind and therefore just never started. Two weeks ago, however, I started up again and I'm thrilled with how quickly I'm falling back into the swing of it! In case you're curious, my goal song is "God Gave Me You" by Dave Barnes. For someone who has only made her way through John Thompson's First Grade Piano Book (for those of you unfamiliar with this - the EASY, beginning stuff), this song is certainly a challenge. It's one of my favorite songs, though, and there a few certain close friends of mine with whom it holds certain significance, so the idea of being able to play it for them helps give me motivation to get through the frustrating times. Here's a link to a similar piano version as I am learning (although mine is slightly easier). Dave Barnes - God Gave Me You (Piano Cover) And if you aren't familiar with the original song, definitely check it out, as it is absolutely wonderful! Dave Barnes - God Gave Me You (Original).

Later this week, I'll post more about our upcoming family adventure out west. For now, I'm extremely excited to spend time with friends in the next few days here!

God bless!
-Theresa

On an upswing!

First of all, my boss' water problem has officially been solved! After 12 days, and 1.5 million gallons of water later, it has been stopped! Things at work have somewhat (cautiously) returned to normal - and today I even programmed a little bit on my own.

As I mentioned before, this past weekend was the year-end soccer tournament, and it's always fun to see my fellow referees, as our paths don't usually cross for more than an a game - but at the tournament, we get to hang out for more of an extended time. I'm really excited, though, because I have plans to hang out with one of the refs I get along with really well next week. And alright alright - he's a boy, but that actually brings me to my next topic for this post.

A few weeks ago, I decided that for an undetermined amount of time - but at least for the remainder of the summer - I will not worry about, think about, nor pursue a romantic relationship of any kind. I'm excited to pursue God more fully, and develop friendships with some men in my life without putting any pressure on them, or myself, to be anything more. Knowing that even if a romantic opportunity came up, I would just not pursue it because of this decision is very freeing. I'm always worried about if someone's interested or not - so I've been actively trying to rid myself of this worry. I'm fully letting God take over.

Don't get me wrong - none of this is easy. As a human, I am driven to want to fulfill my desires with worldly things - whether people or things or careers. But I'm trying hard!

One day at a time

For lack of a better word, this past week has been a doozy. My boss has water spurting from around his well at a rate of 75 gallons per minute. It is now 11 days in, which is the equivalent of 1.1 million gallons of water, and there is no real solution in sight. Since I have no words of wisdom or consolation on the matter, every day at work has been a struggle to find the right words and remain positive.
Thursday night, a close friend of mine from school contacted me with more tragic news. A good friend of his had committed suicide. Although I did not personally know him, I knew several people who were closely affected. Once again, I've been at a loss of the right words to say and when to say them.
It's been an emotionally exhausting week, and by this weekend I was relying solely on God to give me the strength and wisdom to even keep me afloat.
Friday afternoon, my front tire popped while going 70 mph on the highway. For anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's terrifying. There's a loud bang followed by a reduction of steering control. Being near the exit for my house, I just wanted to get off the highway. I managed to do so and pull into a nearby parking lot. Purely by the grace of God, my older brother happened to be leaving home at that exact time and saw me. Any other day, he would have been at work miles and miles away. Luckily and thankfully, I remained in control of my car, made it off the highway safely with no injuries to myself or (with the exception of the blown out tire) the car.
This past week has given me perspective. I have to live one day at a time, whether going through the best week or the worst one.
My week culminated with the citywide end of season soccer tournament. After 15 years of playing, this was the first time I participated only as a ref. It definitely caused some feelings of nostalgia, but I do enjoy reffing. Well, really I just enjoy the people I get to spend time with while reffing. Yesterday, things started to pick up, which is hopefully indicating the start of a better week.
Regardless, I've become recentered on Christ, stronger in my ability to admit my weakness and rely on God to give me strength.
Still praying for my boss and all of those affected by the suicide - and I know any additional prayers would be appreciated.
"I know the sun will rise again."

Home at Last!

Whew! After a week full of adventures, I am finally home. Quite a bit happened over the last seven days, so I'll give a fair warning that this is likely to be a long post!

Pond Number 1

My family and I left at 2:30 in the morning last Saturday on our journey to northwestern New York. My uncle lives on 60 acres of land in the finger lakes region, on a hill that gives a gorgeous view of upstate New York's beauty. He has 4 man-made ponds on his property filled with fish, surrounded by hammocks and forestry. He also owns several golf carts for riding through the trails he has created on his property. Truly, the serenity of his home is indescribable in words.

Pond Number 2

Pond Number 3

Old Montreal

I, however, am not one to just stay serene for very long. Therefore, on Sunday and Monday, I journeyed up to Canada with my dad to visit an old friend of his from work. We spent the majority of our time at a cottage in the mountains north of Montreal. Again, the beauty is difficult to put into words. Most excitingly, I learned how to waterski!! I was told that I was a natural, although I personally thought it was difficult and required intense balance and concentration. The best phrase I have to describe my experience is terrifyingly awesome, and it was definitely a highlight of my trip. On the way back to New York from Canada, my dad and I drove through old Montreal. Being Canada Day, the place was PACKED with highly patriotic Canadians. Although I didn't have a chance to see as much of the city as I would have liked, the slow-moving traffic allowed me to take in at least some of the scenery from old Montreal!

A large family means LOTS of food and drink!

The second half of the week was spent at my Uncle's, culminating with our family reunion on July 4th. About 35 people showed up for the Flood Family Fun Festival & Fryout Frolic on the Fourth (FFFF&FFF) - and that's only PART of my family. Truthfully, it was slightly overwhelming, but also absolutely wonderful to see family that I haven't seen for years. Our family reunions are slightly carnival-ish, usually with a balloon toss, chocolate pudding eating contest, and tons and tons of prizes! Although the chocolate pudding was absent this year, the fun was not.

Thursday night, the Fourth of July, my sister and I decided to drive into the nearby town in search of fireworks. We didn't know exactly where we were going, which always is the preface for a good adventure - but the adventure we had this time was a bit more than we expected. We found ourselves stuck behind a parked car on the highway, with no way to get around. What made this situation even more frightening was the fact that a small brawl had erupted around our car. There was blood, fighting, swearing - I was extraordinarily thankful we were in our car, although since we were surrounded by angry people, we were definitely not in the safest place. Thankfully, the majority of the people from the opposing "groups" were trying to calm down the aggressive members, and when one of these calmer individuals finally moved the car off to the side of the road, we wasted no time leaving the scene and driving back to the serenity typical to the area. Although a bit shaken up, neither my sister nor I, nor the car, were injured in the slightest. That will surely be a story that will be shared at Flood Family Reunions for years to come.

Finally, I left with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece Friday morning. We took a mini-detour to see Niagara Falls (where we almost ran out of gas - but thankfully, made it to the gas station just in time!), then began the journey back to Wisconsin. We spent the night in Ohio and on Saturday finally crossed back over the Wisconsin border. I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, waiting for my parents and brother to pick me up and take me home (they had stayed an extra day and left Saturday morning instead of Friday morning). A few disney movies later, they arrived, and just after midnight Saturday night, we pulled into our driveway!

It was an exciting week, indeed, and plans for my next adventure are already being made. As a little side note, I decided today to lead a freshman Bible Study with two other girls from my Christian organization (Cru) next year! I'm both excited and nervous, but I have no doubt that I've committed to an experience that will help me grow in my faith while helping other people at my wonderful university do the same.

God Bless America!
-Theresa

No Complaining

This will be a short post, I think, but I need to put this in writing. After so much self-misery and complaining, I've decided to challenge myself to as little (or hopefully no) complaining as possible for the rest of the week. For the next four days, I'm going to try to be positive about everything and count my blessings rather than dwell on my problems. It'll be interesting, and undoubtedly difficult, but I think if I take it seriously and really commit to this self challenge, it could also completely shift my entire attitude toward this summer. And, as noted in the past post, to this point, my attitude has been..well, stinky.

And because I work best when people tell me they don't think I can do something, I'm betting myself that I won't be able to get through the next four days complaint-free. ..and I'm prepared to prove myself wrong!

The positives of today:

• I'm once again a member of the Y! I walked/ran 2.8 miles today!
• I followed what was happening at work for the most part.
• I had a good, meaningful talk with a dear friend of mine.
• I made dinner almost by myself without burning the house down.
• Plans were made for my weekend visit to Chicago! (WOOT.)

Farewell for now - praying for the strength to be positive!

Sweet, dreaded summertime.

Well, if I had to pick one word to describe this past week, it would be rough. Since I last posted, I got a job (one of those opportunities that happened moments after turning down the camp counselor offer) and worked the entire week. It was exhausting, I was miserable. I'm not exactly sure why, because the job itself is a good opportunity, working with good people. Basically, I'm learning a computer programming language through hands-on experience. It's about 30 hours a week, but then on average, I ref three nights a week as well, so by the end of the day, I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. What I hate the most, however, is the feeling of having no time.. or, rather, the pressure to make the free time I do have count. For example, this weekend - finally two days off - I feel like I should be doing something really exciting with them and using them to the max. In other words, I detest the overwhelming pressure I feel to "make weekends count." It's only the middle of Saturday afternoon, and I'm already dreading the next week. The dread of the week to come is both taking over the time I have off and making me feel intense pressure to enjoy this time. I'm so stressed and irritable.

I went from having the entire summer to myself, able to just fill a day with an adventure if I wanted, to having no time..and anything I want to do has to be planned way in advance. I'm not a fan.

So, I know I should be trying to be positive about this and try to make the most out of my summer, but I'm really struggling. I'm not happy with where I'm at, but I don't really see a way out. Everyday I regret not going to the camp. There, I would be with other counselors my own age, truly impacting kids in God's will. I'm struggling to see how God can use me in the situation I'm in, but I'm going to do my best to trust that he can.

On an entirely different note, I've been thinking a lot about romantic relationships right now - pursuing them, not pursuing them, potential people I want to end up with - a lot running through my mind. But just this morning, I saw a picture of a couple who's been together for over 60 years. I would love to find my soulmate and spend over 60 years with him. Isn't that the dream of most girls and women? But sometimes I think we are so rushed to find our future spouse, that we try so hard to make the "wrong" person work. Maybe the guy I've been crushing on IS my future husband...most likely, he's not...but either way, why should I be worried about making him like me? I want my husband to be totally in love with me and excited to spend the rest of our lives together, pursuing God, and creating a family..if I have to try to make someone like me now, would not the rest of my life be spent in constant doubt wondering if my husband truly loves me? That sounds miserable. So, I'm not saying it's wrong to pursue a relationship..but I also think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not it's going to work out. Stop worrying and let God take over. I'm trusting in him to lead me to my other half. He knows way better than I do.. so why should I worry?

Decisions, decisions.

While deciding whether or not I wanted to give up my entire summer to work at a Christian summer camp, I had reached out to several family members and close friends asking their opinions and thoughts. Overwhelmingly, I would say, the response was that I should take the risk and go. I had reconciled my fears with this decision and even directly told several of my friends, "if they offer me the job, I'm going, no matter how scary it is." As I am somewhat infamous for my inability to hold a decision, I also told each not to let me change my mind. Well, yesterday when I was officially offered the position of overnight camp counselor, I turned it down.

Why?, you might ask. Well, the only thing I had planned for the summer was refereeing soccer for the local youth league. I had committed to reffing a ton of games this summer, and as a high-level official, it would be nearly impossible for my reffing coordinator to find enough subs to cover the 23 games I have left. Additionally, as many of those close to me know, I value promises and commitments very highly. While I hadn't promised the league anything, I had made a commitment to them and felt very uneasy about breaking this commitment. In my mind, this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Because I aim to act as Christ wants me to, I recognized that I had a responsibility to honor commitments I made first. At the same time, however, I thought God wanted me to give my summer to him through working at the summer camp. After much prayer, deliberation, and frustration, I decided to turn down the position.

My crazy broski - whom I'll be able to spend more time with this summer!
(and my mom peeking up in the corner)

As a whole, this decision reflects my greater philosophy: as a Christian, I am called to serve God. While giving up my control to him and letting him direct my time is crucial, doing so is meaningless unless we strive to make our everyday actions reflect Christ's love. While going to the camp would have been of direct service to God, breaking previous commitments would not reflect my hope to live a life as Christ did.

As I hung up the phone after declining the offer, I admit I was still torn - unsure if I had made the right decision. I can say, however, that, after I receiving two different emails within an hour of this decision about potential summer internships around the area, I know in my heart God commended me for my decision. Once again, I am still learning about letting go of my own plans for the summer and giving control to God. Just when I thought I knew what was right for me, He showed me that His plan is far larger and greater than anything I could come up with on my own.

Finally, as one of my close friends told me while I was deciding, "Whatever decision you make will be the right one. Trust in God, and you'll choose the right one." She's right, so if you're facing a difficult choice, be confident that through prayer, you are sure to choose correctly!

-Theresa

Something Big is in the Works!

They always say things happen when you least expect them...I'm going to change that and say that good things happen when you finally give up your control and let God take control. All of the plans I kept creating for myself this summer kept falling through. Finally, I gave up control. I prayed for God to reveal his plan for me. For me, relinquishing control over anything.. from my evening to my summer...is something I struggle with. 

I did my best, though, and I'm happy to say that I just finished a phone interview for a Christian summer camp counselor position! I think the interview went well, but they have to receive two more of my references before they can contact me about my position. If I'm offered the position, I'd be starting at the end of next week - which doesn't give me much time! I'm praying for the grace to give my summer to God, however, and I'm excited to see what he has in store for me. 

All of my friends have been super supportive of me, which is reassuring. Three of my closest friends have said to me what I've come to realize as one of the most reassuring phrases: "I'm proud of you." I'm still slightly terrified at the idea of giving my summer up to spend it with people I've never met before, but knowing that my friends are behind me is helping me to boost my confidence. 

Regardless, now this is out of my hands (although in reality, it probably has always been out of my hands) - and I'm praying for God to give me courage and peace no matter what the outcome is! By the time you hear from me again, I believe I'll have made a decision!

Until then, I leave you with the simple suggestion of not being afraid to let something unexpected happen!

Losing Control

For my first week without a consistent job, I've sure been keeping busy! Yesterday and today, I've spent some time going through papers and schoolwork from the past two years, which has been a more moving experience that I thought it would be. It's amazing what self-reflection and little notes and doodles from months past can show about oneself. Several of these notes in the margins of notebooks or in my daily planner are about struggles I was facing...what seemed so important and life-changing at that point of time doesn't even cross today's mind. It was a perfect reminder to keep things in perspective. Yes, of course the daily decisions matter because they all add up to mold the life we lead, but we must remember that one of these decisions alone does not dictate our future.

As I've mentioned before, it seems that all of the plans I've created for myself for the summer just keep falling through. Three different potential job opportunities, two different mission trips..the list goes on. But, in bigger news, these have helped me to see what I believe is the beginning of my testimony. I have yet to sit down and write it out, but I think it's in the works - and I think it's about giving up control over my life to God. I'm now looking at an opportunity to be a counselor at a Christian camp this summer. It's a long shot, but I'm beginning to be comfortable with trusting God. If it's meant to work out, it will. And if not, then God has yet a better plan for me.

Finally, I haven't run as much as I had hoped I would in the first two weeks of my summer, but I'm still aiming for my goal of 200 miles..5.8 down!

-Theresa

Adventure is Out There

It is only my sixth day home for the summer, and I'm already incredibly restless. Since the summer after eighth grade, I've worked close to full time hours each summer, between various part-time jobs and reffing soccer. Then suddenly, this summer I have one week of full-time hours with only a few measly nights of reffing each week for the other three months of summer. I've been really down about this, complaining to friends I know can't help, being irritable, and quite simply, just bored.

The first week of July, there'll be the trip out to New York for the family reunion, and hopefully a weekend or two will be spent with my college girls, but other than that I'm stuck in my own little world. I'm doing my best to trust that God has a plan for me this summer - and in fact, there's a small possibility I will be able to do something directly related to ministry for God later this summer. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, so more will come on that later if something does develop.

Regardless, whether I travel around the world or stay within a 50 mile radius of home sweet home, I'm ready to make the best of the situation I have.

And, as a little side note, within a day of me complaining/praying of boredom, God brought a little stressful excitement into my life through a chance encounter with a boy. I do not expect anything at all to come of this, but it served as a good reminder that God's in control, and He has great things in store for me.

Adventure is out there - whether "there" is just outside the front door, or a plane ride away.

In New York, a few summers back - hopefully one of the adventures that will take place in the next few months!

Oh! I almost forgot! I have a running goal of 200 miles this summer. So far: 4.3

Toodeloo! -Theresa