It's been a long time so there's lots to share, and it's late at night, so this won't be the prettiest, but here we go!
I have officially been accepted to study abroad in Oslo, Norway for next fall semester! I'm terrified, excited, nervous, unsure - all of the emotions you can imagine, I'm probably feeling. Last week I also freaked out because I am 99% sure that I am the only person travelling from my school to that specific program - something I was not expecting and still don't know how I feel about. I technically have until April 15th to decide/commit to going for sure, but I'm hoping that I don't chicken out and decide not to go. So yes, preparations are beginning with that.
I have also applied to the Wisconsin School of Business! I was undecided whether I wanted to pursue actuarial science through the business school (and give up some scholarship money) or through the college of letters and science, but after much deliberation and praying, I decided to go with my gut and apply to the business school. I won't find out until mid-summer, but if all goes well, I will be graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a BBA. :)
Another thing I will find out this summer - the result of exam MLC! I am very nervous about the next actuarial test, which is three weeks from today! I am not feeling prepared at all. It is difficult to study and devote time to that exam while also trying to stay up on school work and current classes. In fact, I took a test tonight and have two more this week. It's a lot to handle, and it's really testing me on my ability to rely on God to give me strength and peace.
This past weekend was great - I almost went to the final four game in Texas, but at the last minute decided to stay back in Madison. Although I'm sure Texas would've been fun, I had a really great weekend here. Of course, I studied a lot, but I also went to the Union on Saturday to watch the game with a bunch of friends (although the outcome was very sad, the day and game itself were great!). Then, on Sunday, my bible study was taken on a creative date by a sophomore men's bible study! They led us on a scavenger hunt throughout campus, ending with a bonfire at picnic point. It was a blast, and super nice to be served in such a fun, creative way. For dinner, we even had "build-your-own" baked potatoes cooked in the fire. I also learned how to play spikeball! I'm definitely a fan. It also left me feeling good about Cru - I may try to make it to a weekly meeting again sometime. I'm not a big-group kinda gal, so I haven't been attending the big-group weekly meeting much this year, but maybe I'll try it out again soon!
Although we were served wonderfully by the men, it led me to a stark realization. I still really, really like the same boy that has been on my mind for over a year now. Most people around me have known/seen this, but I always figured that if someone else came along, I would move on just fine. But this past weekend, although the intent was not a romantic date, I was thinking about how I would feel if one of the men started to pursue me, and I realized that I would simply be disappointed that it wasn't the one boy I'm interested in. I don't know what that means - I know that whatever God has planned for my life is way better than anything I could come up with, whether that includes this particular boy, or a different one, or none at all, but I also know that we have to be active in living out God's plan. I'm really starting to feel like I may need to take action to voice these feelings so that they can be dealt with. That's a terrifying thought, but I have the feeling that it may need to happen sooner rather than later. ...especially because of the small detail that we will also be working together this summer.
That's a fairly brief update of my life! I hope all of you are doing well, and are feeling as blessed in your lives as I have been in mine! God is so great; I'm thankful to be reminded of this everyday. :)
-T
Showing posts with label Cru. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cru. Show all posts
Monday, April 7, 2014
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Merry Christmas!
Well, wow. I've survived another semester at the University of Wisconsin. It's been quite a while since I've posted, but this just means I have lots to catch you up on!
After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.
After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.
Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:
After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.
After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.
Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:
- I have started swimming a bit again. The first half of this past semester I was attending Club Swimming practices fairly regularly, and hope to schedule them in more consistently for the coming semester.
- I have officially accepted a summer actuarial internship position at a consulting firm near Milwaukee, WI. After a month or so filled with extensive interviews and even a few plane rides and fancy hotels, I am confident that my coming summer will be a wonderful opportunity to grow both professionally and personally.
- I finished the semester with a 4.0! My appeal to apply to the Business School, despite being over the credit limit, was granted, and I plan to apply this coming spring.
- My roommate from first semester is studying abroad next semester, so I will be soon assigned my fourth random roommate - prayers that God helps me use this situation in whatever way He plans would be greatly appreciated!
- As some of you may remember, I had some issues with my current group of friends at the beginning of the semester, many of which stemmed from my depression as their root cause. God has faithfully and gracefully worked to restore these friendships through honesty and forgiveness. Although there are still some moments that are tough, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with these women in my life.
That's all for now - I doubt that I will post again before leaving for TCX, so I wish you all a very happy new year! May God bless the end of 2013 and bring in a wonderful 2014!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Well, Wow.
In the past week and a half or so, my life has been a rollercoaster, as cliche as that sounds. I've been struggling a lot with sliding back toward depression and pulling myself away from my friends. At the same time, I've been exceedingly overcommitted with classes, work, various clubs and organizations, and BadgerCru. Just as my excitement and passion for being back on campus was being drained away by all of these things, my closest friends here and I had a fairly large misunderstanding. I'll spare you the details, but basically what transpired left me in a much worse place than where I had started the week - not the thing I needed to be added to my plate. So, that was last Wednesday night - I was up until 3:30 AM, crying, tossing and turning, frustrated, and angry. As you may imagine, that's not a good combination.
Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.
This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.
So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.
Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.
Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!
I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!
-Theresa
Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.
This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.
So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.
Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.
Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!
I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!
-Theresa
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Go Badgers!
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| Two of my friends and I cheering on the Badgers at their home opener |
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| Hanging out at the Union |
Unfortunately, however, I've had a bit of a rough start otherwise. I've had good moments, and made good memories, but I feel like I just have this curtain of doubt and unhappiness that I keep falling back on. I'm struggling with my faith and with my friendships and overall trust - in God, in my friends and in myself. I'm very seriously doubting my ability to lead a Bible Study this year, as I'm already finding myself dreading all things involved with that commitment.
Last night, I was talking to a close friend of mine about all of this - something I find incredibly difficult. It's hard for me to acknowledge my struggles and talk openly about things I'm having a difficult time with. I feel like I am a burden to my friends and that I'm relying on them to fix problems that are not at all their responsibility or obligation to deal with. Of course, they claim that it's not a problem, but I can't help but feel guilty.
I'm doubting my faith, something I've never really dealt with before, and because so many people see me as being so confident in Christ, I'm not sure who to turn to. Tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with my co-leader for bible study, and I'm praying for the courage, strength, and honesty to tell her all of this, but I'm just not sure that I can. If any or all of you could say a prayer for me, I'd appreciate it greatly. I know that God allows us to struggle in our lives and it can help us to grow, but right now I'm just feeling like I'm suffocating.
Classes have started, work has started, I'm pushing away my friends, and I'm doubting my faith. Things are crashing in on me, and I'm struggling for the strength to keep moving forward. I need to cling fast to my life motto - "Life goes on."
I'm thankful for supportive friends and family and all of the blessings I've been given in my life - I pray that you are feeling loved and blessed in your own life, too!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sweet Summer Days
I've just begun my last week at home - and by week, I really mean only 2 more days before I leave for Madison! I have a lot of packing yet to do, although I'd have to say I'm currently more on track this year compared to last year. Last year, I was up all night before moving into the dorm, running to the store to get things and pack up the car. As one might imagine, this led to a long, exhausting day and wasn't the best first day to be away from home. SO, this year I'm trying not to repeat!
This past week, I finished my last day of work on Thursday - although it was a very anti-climatic end. The prior week, I confirmed with my boss that I would be done this Thursday, and then when I went to leave work on Thursday and awkwardly said, "So, this was my last day..", my boss was shocked. He had completely forgotten when I was going to be done. As a result of this lack of communication, I have to go back next week, but only for a free lunch, which I think I can handle. :)
On Friday and Saturday, I was in Whitewater at a Cru Leadership Advance retreat. It was a chance for all of the men and women who will be leading at either Whitewater or Madison to meet up, determine goals for the upcoming year, develop a plan, and ultimately pray for our campuses. It was wonderful to be back in such a supportive community after somewhat of a rough summer for me spiritually. I've been struggling a bit to keep my faith, lately finding that I've been questioning and doubting God a lot. So, strengthening my community with all of these spiritually encouraging people was awesome. I will be helping to lead a freshmen women's bible study with a close friend and my bible study leader from last year. This means that I will have to personally strengthen my ability to share my faith and approach people to initiate spiritual conversations. This is something that I think I will struggle with, so I will absolutely be praying for God's strength to help me and lead me to the freshmen ladies he wants me to speak with!
Today, I was in Madison at my aunt's hair salon with my mom - and I dyed my hair! I'm the chief of last-minute decisions (mostly because I'm also the chief of indecision), so once we got there, I decided to dye my hair a dark reddish brown! It's not too big of a change, but it's just enough that I can start the school year feeling a little bold!
I'm off to pack, and this is probably the last time you'll hear from me until I am once again living in Madison! That is both terrifying and exciting! I'm very excited to see the ways God will move me this year - I'm sure it will be an adventure!
-T
This past week, I finished my last day of work on Thursday - although it was a very anti-climatic end. The prior week, I confirmed with my boss that I would be done this Thursday, and then when I went to leave work on Thursday and awkwardly said, "So, this was my last day..", my boss was shocked. He had completely forgotten when I was going to be done. As a result of this lack of communication, I have to go back next week, but only for a free lunch, which I think I can handle. :)
On Friday and Saturday, I was in Whitewater at a Cru Leadership Advance retreat. It was a chance for all of the men and women who will be leading at either Whitewater or Madison to meet up, determine goals for the upcoming year, develop a plan, and ultimately pray for our campuses. It was wonderful to be back in such a supportive community after somewhat of a rough summer for me spiritually. I've been struggling a bit to keep my faith, lately finding that I've been questioning and doubting God a lot. So, strengthening my community with all of these spiritually encouraging people was awesome. I will be helping to lead a freshmen women's bible study with a close friend and my bible study leader from last year. This means that I will have to personally strengthen my ability to share my faith and approach people to initiate spiritual conversations. This is something that I think I will struggle with, so I will absolutely be praying for God's strength to help me and lead me to the freshmen ladies he wants me to speak with!
Today, I was in Madison at my aunt's hair salon with my mom - and I dyed my hair! I'm the chief of last-minute decisions (mostly because I'm also the chief of indecision), so once we got there, I decided to dye my hair a dark reddish brown! It's not too big of a change, but it's just enough that I can start the school year feeling a little bold!
I'm off to pack, and this is probably the last time you'll hear from me until I am once again living in Madison! That is both terrifying and exciting! I'm very excited to see the ways God will move me this year - I'm sure it will be an adventure!
-T
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Home at Last!
Whew! After a week full of adventures, I am finally home. Quite a bit happened over the last seven days, so I'll give a fair warning that this is likely to be a long post!
My family and I left at 2:30 in the morning last Saturday on our journey to northwestern New York. My uncle lives on 60 acres of land in the finger lakes region, on a hill that gives a gorgeous view of upstate New York's beauty. He has 4 man-made ponds on his property filled with fish, surrounded by hammocks and forestry. He also owns several golf carts for riding through the trails he has created on his property. Truly, the serenity of his home is indescribable in words.
I, however, am not one to just stay serene for very long. Therefore, on Sunday and Monday, I journeyed up to Canada with my dad to visit an old friend of his from work. We spent the majority of our time at a cottage in the mountains north of Montreal. Again, the beauty is difficult to put into words. Most excitingly, I learned how to waterski!! I was told that I was a natural, although I personally thought it was difficult and required intense balance and concentration. The best phrase I have to describe my experience is terrifyingly awesome, and it was definitely a highlight of my trip. On the way back to New York from Canada, my dad and I drove through old Montreal. Being Canada Day, the place was PACKED with highly patriotic Canadians. Although I didn't have a chance to see as much of the city as I would have liked, the slow-moving traffic allowed me to take in at least some of the scenery from old Montreal!
The second half of the week was spent at my Uncle's, culminating with our family reunion on July 4th. About 35 people showed up for the Flood Family Fun Festival & Fryout Frolic on the Fourth (FFFF&FFF) - and that's only PART of my family. Truthfully, it was slightly overwhelming, but also absolutely wonderful to see family that I haven't seen for years. Our family reunions are slightly carnival-ish, usually with a balloon toss, chocolate pudding eating contest, and tons and tons of prizes! Although the chocolate pudding was absent this year, the fun was not.
Thursday night, the Fourth of July, my sister and I decided to drive into the nearby town in search of fireworks. We didn't know exactly where we were going, which always is the preface for a good adventure - but the adventure we had this time was a bit more than we expected. We found ourselves stuck behind a parked car on the highway, with no way to get around. What made this situation even more frightening was the fact that a small brawl had erupted around our car. There was blood, fighting, swearing - I was extraordinarily thankful we were in our car, although since we were surrounded by angry people, we were definitely not in the safest place. Thankfully, the majority of the people from the opposing "groups" were trying to calm down the aggressive members, and when one of these calmer individuals finally moved the car off to the side of the road, we wasted no time leaving the scene and driving back to the serenity typical to the area. Although a bit shaken up, neither my sister nor I, nor the car, were injured in the slightest. That will surely be a story that will be shared at Flood Family Reunions for years to come.
Finally, I left with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece Friday morning. We took a mini-detour to see Niagara Falls (where we almost ran out of gas - but thankfully, made it to the gas station just in time!), then began the journey back to Wisconsin. We spent the night in Ohio and on Saturday finally crossed back over the Wisconsin border. I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, waiting for my parents and brother to pick me up and take me home (they had stayed an extra day and left Saturday morning instead of Friday morning). A few disney movies later, they arrived, and just after midnight Saturday night, we pulled into our driveway!
It was an exciting week, indeed, and plans for my next adventure are already being made. As a little side note, I decided today to lead a freshman Bible Study with two other girls from my Christian organization (Cru) next year! I'm both excited and nervous, but I have no doubt that I've committed to an experience that will help me grow in my faith while helping other people at my wonderful university do the same.
God Bless America!
-Theresa
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| Pond Number 1 |
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| Pond Number 2 |
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| Pond Number 3 |
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| Old Montreal |
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| A large family means LOTS of food and drink! |
Thursday night, the Fourth of July, my sister and I decided to drive into the nearby town in search of fireworks. We didn't know exactly where we were going, which always is the preface for a good adventure - but the adventure we had this time was a bit more than we expected. We found ourselves stuck behind a parked car on the highway, with no way to get around. What made this situation even more frightening was the fact that a small brawl had erupted around our car. There was blood, fighting, swearing - I was extraordinarily thankful we were in our car, although since we were surrounded by angry people, we were definitely not in the safest place. Thankfully, the majority of the people from the opposing "groups" were trying to calm down the aggressive members, and when one of these calmer individuals finally moved the car off to the side of the road, we wasted no time leaving the scene and driving back to the serenity typical to the area. Although a bit shaken up, neither my sister nor I, nor the car, were injured in the slightest. That will surely be a story that will be shared at Flood Family Reunions for years to come.
Finally, I left with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece Friday morning. We took a mini-detour to see Niagara Falls (where we almost ran out of gas - but thankfully, made it to the gas station just in time!), then began the journey back to Wisconsin. We spent the night in Ohio and on Saturday finally crossed back over the Wisconsin border. I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, waiting for my parents and brother to pick me up and take me home (they had stayed an extra day and left Saturday morning instead of Friday morning). A few disney movies later, they arrived, and just after midnight Saturday night, we pulled into our driveway!
It was an exciting week, indeed, and plans for my next adventure are already being made. As a little side note, I decided today to lead a freshman Bible Study with two other girls from my Christian organization (Cru) next year! I'm both excited and nervous, but I have no doubt that I've committed to an experience that will help me grow in my faith while helping other people at my wonderful university do the same.
God Bless America!
-Theresa
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