To Oslo I will go!

It's been a long time so there's lots to share, and it's late at night, so this won't be the prettiest, but here we go!

I have officially been accepted to study abroad in Oslo, Norway for next fall semester! I'm terrified, excited, nervous, unsure - all of the emotions you can imagine, I'm probably feeling. Last week I also freaked out because I am 99% sure that I am the only person travelling from my school to that specific program - something I was not expecting and still don't know how I feel about. I technically have until April 15th to decide/commit to going for sure, but I'm hoping that I don't chicken out and decide not to go. So yes, preparations are beginning with that.

I have also applied to the Wisconsin School of Business! I was undecided whether I wanted to pursue actuarial science through the business school (and give up some scholarship money) or through the college of letters and science, but after much deliberation and praying, I decided to go with my gut and apply to the business school. I won't find out until mid-summer, but if all goes well, I will be graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a BBA. :)

Another thing I will find out this summer - the result of exam MLC! I am very nervous about the next actuarial test, which is three weeks from today! I am not feeling prepared at all. It is difficult to study and devote time to that exam while also trying to stay up on school work and current classes. In fact, I took a test tonight and have two more this week. It's a lot to handle, and it's really testing me on my ability to rely on God to give me strength and peace.

This past weekend was great - I almost went to the final four game in Texas, but at the last minute decided to stay back in Madison. Although I'm sure Texas would've been fun, I had a really great weekend here. Of course, I studied a lot, but I also went to the Union on Saturday to watch the game with a bunch of friends (although the outcome was very sad, the day and game itself were great!). Then, on Sunday, my bible study was taken on a creative date by a sophomore men's bible study! They led us on a scavenger hunt throughout campus, ending with a bonfire at picnic point. It was a blast, and super nice to be served in such a fun, creative way. For dinner, we even had "build-your-own" baked potatoes cooked in the fire. I also learned how to play spikeball! I'm definitely a fan. It also left me feeling good about Cru - I may try to make it to a weekly meeting again sometime. I'm not a big-group kinda gal, so I haven't been attending the big-group weekly meeting much this year, but maybe I'll try it out again soon!

Although we were served wonderfully by the men, it led me to a stark realization. I still really, really like the same boy that has been on my mind for over a year now. Most people around me have known/seen this, but I always figured that if someone else came along, I would move on just fine. But this past weekend, although the intent was not a romantic date, I was thinking about how I would feel if one of the men started to pursue me, and I realized that I would simply be disappointed that it wasn't the one boy I'm interested in. I don't know what that means - I know that whatever God has planned for my life is way better than anything I could come up with, whether that includes this particular boy, or a different one, or none at all, but I also know that we have to be active in living out God's plan. I'm really starting to feel like I may need to take action to voice these feelings so that they can be dealt with. That's a terrifying thought, but I have the feeling that it may need to happen sooner rather than later. ...especially because of the small detail that we will also be working together this summer.

That's a fairly brief update of my life! I hope all of you are doing well, and are feeling as blessed in your lives as I have been in mine! God is so great; I'm thankful to be reminded of this everyday. :)

-T

Merry Christmas!

Well, wow. I've survived another semester at the University of Wisconsin. It's been quite a while since I've posted, but this just means I have lots to catch you up on!

After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.

After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.

Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:

• I have started swimming a bit again. The first half of this past semester I was attending Club Swimming practices fairly regularly, and hope to schedule them in more consistently for the coming semester. 
• I have officially accepted a summer actuarial internship position at a consulting firm near Milwaukee, WI. After a month or so filled with extensive interviews and even a few plane rides and fancy hotels, I am confident that my coming summer will be a wonderful opportunity to grow both professionally and personally.
• I finished the semester with a 4.0! My appeal to apply to the Business School, despite being over the credit limit, was granted, and I plan to apply this coming spring. 
• My roommate from first semester is studying abroad next semester, so I will be soon assigned my fourth random roommate - prayers that God helps me use this situation in whatever way He plans would be greatly appreciated! 
• As some of you may remember, I had some issues with my current group of friends at the beginning of the semester, many of which stemmed from my depression as their root cause. God has faithfully and gracefully worked to restore these friendships through honesty and forgiveness. Although there are still some moments that are tough, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with these women in my life. 

That's all for now - I doubt that I will post again before leaving for TCX, so I wish you all a very happy new year! May God bless the end of 2013 and bring in a wonderful 2014!

Another family vacation is on the horizon!

Although I thought that the end of soccer season/nights spent reffing would leave me with more than enough free time, I've once again managed to fill it up quickly! Tomorrow night is dinner and hanging out with a couple friends, Thursday night is dinner with two close friends and their boyfriends, and on Friday afternoon, we leave to go camping as a family - the start of a week-long adventure! Meanwhile, I'm still working about 6 hours Monday-Friday as a wannabe programmer - although both yesterday and today I've worked 30 to 45 minutes extra. I'm extremely happy to report, however, that things do seem to be starting to click! I've been able to program a little bit on my own, and often the problems that I'm unable to solve take my bosses a while to figure out, too! I'm still not thinking this is the career path I want in life, but I have begrudgingly started to admit that there are moments where solving a programming problem can be almost.. fun! Since I will be off next week, I'm down to only 2.5 weeks left to work, which is hard to believe!

I'm also happy to report that I've been back on track with my running. Two weeks ago, I logged 13 miles, last week was 15, and this week I've already run 8.5! To reach my goal of 100 by the time I go back to school, I have about 48 left to go. I'm determined, and barring any injury or other unexpected circumstance, I think I'll be able to reach that goal!

I've also started teaching myself how to play piano again. That project started toward the end of my junior year of high school, and continued with a Class II piano solo at Solo/Ensemble my senior year. Last summer and this past fall I didn't make time to keep practicing, and it wasn't until I discovered the grand piano in the basement of my dorm spring semester that I realized how much I actually missed it. Again, though, by the end of the semester and the beginning of the summer, practicing was not a priority, and much of the progress I had made on my latest "goal song" seemed to be lost. This had a bit of a snowball effect, as I was dreading discovering how much I had fallen behind and therefore just never started. Two weeks ago, however, I started up again and I'm thrilled with how quickly I'm falling back into the swing of it! In case you're curious, my goal song is "God Gave Me You" by Dave Barnes. For someone who has only made her way through John Thompson's First Grade Piano Book (for those of you unfamiliar with this - the EASY, beginning stuff), this song is certainly a challenge. It's one of my favorite songs, though, and there a few certain close friends of mine with whom it holds certain significance, so the idea of being able to play it for them helps give me motivation to get through the frustrating times. Here's a link to a similar piano version as I am learning (although mine is slightly easier). Dave Barnes - God Gave Me You (Piano Cover) And if you aren't familiar with the original song, definitely check it out, as it is absolutely wonderful! Dave Barnes - God Gave Me You (Original).

Later this week, I'll post more about our upcoming family adventure out west. For now, I'm extremely excited to spend time with friends in the next few days here!

God bless!
-Theresa

Yet another adventure!

Well, I just got home from yet another weekend away from home (I think this is the 4th one in a row). This time, I was in Minnesota with my college girlfriends. It was a blast! The two Wisconsinites of the group road-tripped to Rochester on Friday night after work. Despite almost being hit by a train, we made it and spent the night there..and even unexpectedly got to see another friend then!

Saturday, we had planned to go tubing, but due to inclement weather, settled on an indoor picnic in Bloomington before heading to the Mall of America. We walked around a bit, went on the log ride, and ate a delicious dinner at Twin City Grill. We headed to the hotel, swam for a bit, then played imaginiff. Of course, our group's staple activity is Truth or Dare (which usually just ends up being Truth or Truth), so we played that as well.

Sunday, we went out to lunch in a cute little cafe (with free soft-serve ice cream!) and then went paddle boating in a small park located in a business zone of Bloomington. The time to leave came all too soon, and us Wisconsinites headed home. Exhausted, I arrived to my house at almost exactly 9:00, and then it was back to work today.

Although the weekend was fabulous, it just made me miss being at school with all of my friends even more. Hopefully, the next month and a half will go quickly!

Sweet, dreaded summertime.

Well, if I had to pick one word to describe this past week, it would be rough. Since I last posted, I got a job (one of those opportunities that happened moments after turning down the camp counselor offer) and worked the entire week. It was exhausting, I was miserable. I'm not exactly sure why, because the job itself is a good opportunity, working with good people. Basically, I'm learning a computer programming language through hands-on experience. It's about 30 hours a week, but then on average, I ref three nights a week as well, so by the end of the day, I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. What I hate the most, however, is the feeling of having no time.. or, rather, the pressure to make the free time I do have count. For example, this weekend - finally two days off - I feel like I should be doing something really exciting with them and using them to the max. In other words, I detest the overwhelming pressure I feel to "make weekends count." It's only the middle of Saturday afternoon, and I'm already dreading the next week. The dread of the week to come is both taking over the time I have off and making me feel intense pressure to enjoy this time. I'm so stressed and irritable.

I went from having the entire summer to myself, able to just fill a day with an adventure if I wanted, to having no time..and anything I want to do has to be planned way in advance. I'm not a fan.

So, I know I should be trying to be positive about this and try to make the most out of my summer, but I'm really struggling. I'm not happy with where I'm at, but I don't really see a way out. Everyday I regret not going to the camp. There, I would be with other counselors my own age, truly impacting kids in God's will. I'm struggling to see how God can use me in the situation I'm in, but I'm going to do my best to trust that he can.

On an entirely different note, I've been thinking a lot about romantic relationships right now - pursuing them, not pursuing them, potential people I want to end up with - a lot running through my mind. But just this morning, I saw a picture of a couple who's been together for over 60 years. I would love to find my soulmate and spend over 60 years with him. Isn't that the dream of most girls and women? But sometimes I think we are so rushed to find our future spouse, that we try so hard to make the "wrong" person work. Maybe the guy I've been crushing on IS my future husband...most likely, he's not...but either way, why should I be worried about making him like me? I want my husband to be totally in love with me and excited to spend the rest of our lives together, pursuing God, and creating a family..if I have to try to make someone like me now, would not the rest of my life be spent in constant doubt wondering if my husband truly loves me? That sounds miserable. So, I'm not saying it's wrong to pursue a relationship..but I also think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not it's going to work out. Stop worrying and let God take over. I'm trusting in him to lead me to my other half. He knows way better than I do.. so why should I worry?