More Positivity

Just a list of more positive things happening in my life:

-The game I reffed last night went really well..and it was working with fun people!
-I leave for Chicago tomorrow!
-I'm going to also be spending Sunday night and Monday with my sister, brother in law, and niece at Mt. Olympus theme park in Wisconsin Dells.
-Finding a replacement referee for Monday night was super easy.

Why would I ever want to complain when God has made my life so good? So far I've done pretty well with my no complaint challenge- I've caught myself thinking a few negative thoughts, but I've been able to squash them before anything has been vocalized!

No Complaining

This will be a short post, I think, but I need to put this in writing. After so much self-misery and complaining, I've decided to challenge myself to as little (or hopefully no) complaining as possible for the rest of the week. For the next four days, I'm going to try to be positive about everything and count my blessings rather than dwell on my problems. It'll be interesting, and undoubtedly difficult, but I think if I take it seriously and really commit to this self challenge, it could also completely shift my entire attitude toward this summer. And, as noted in the past post, to this point, my attitude has been..well, stinky.

And because I work best when people tell me they don't think I can do something, I'm betting myself that I won't be able to get through the next four days complaint-free. ..and I'm prepared to prove myself wrong!

The positives of today:

• I'm once again a member of the Y! I walked/ran 2.8 miles today!
• I followed what was happening at work for the most part.
• I had a good, meaningful talk with a dear friend of mine.
• I made dinner almost by myself without burning the house down.
• Plans were made for my weekend visit to Chicago! (WOOT.)

Farewell for now - praying for the strength to be positive!

Sweet, dreaded summertime.

Well, if I had to pick one word to describe this past week, it would be rough. Since I last posted, I got a job (one of those opportunities that happened moments after turning down the camp counselor offer) and worked the entire week. It was exhausting, I was miserable. I'm not exactly sure why, because the job itself is a good opportunity, working with good people. Basically, I'm learning a computer programming language through hands-on experience. It's about 30 hours a week, but then on average, I ref three nights a week as well, so by the end of the day, I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. What I hate the most, however, is the feeling of having no time.. or, rather, the pressure to make the free time I do have count. For example, this weekend - finally two days off - I feel like I should be doing something really exciting with them and using them to the max. In other words, I detest the overwhelming pressure I feel to "make weekends count." It's only the middle of Saturday afternoon, and I'm already dreading the next week. The dread of the week to come is both taking over the time I have off and making me feel intense pressure to enjoy this time. I'm so stressed and irritable.

I went from having the entire summer to myself, able to just fill a day with an adventure if I wanted, to having no time..and anything I want to do has to be planned way in advance. I'm not a fan.

So, I know I should be trying to be positive about this and try to make the most out of my summer, but I'm really struggling. I'm not happy with where I'm at, but I don't really see a way out. Everyday I regret not going to the camp. There, I would be with other counselors my own age, truly impacting kids in God's will. I'm struggling to see how God can use me in the situation I'm in, but I'm going to do my best to trust that he can.

On an entirely different note, I've been thinking a lot about romantic relationships right now - pursuing them, not pursuing them, potential people I want to end up with - a lot running through my mind. But just this morning, I saw a picture of a couple who's been together for over 60 years. I would love to find my soulmate and spend over 60 years with him. Isn't that the dream of most girls and women? But sometimes I think we are so rushed to find our future spouse, that we try so hard to make the "wrong" person work. Maybe the guy I've been crushing on IS my future husband...most likely, he's not...but either way, why should I be worried about making him like me? I want my husband to be totally in love with me and excited to spend the rest of our lives together, pursuing God, and creating a family..if I have to try to make someone like me now, would not the rest of my life be spent in constant doubt wondering if my husband truly loves me? That sounds miserable. So, I'm not saying it's wrong to pursue a relationship..but I also think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not it's going to work out. Stop worrying and let God take over. I'm trusting in him to lead me to my other half. He knows way better than I do.. so why should I worry?

Decisions, decisions.

While deciding whether or not I wanted to give up my entire summer to work at a Christian summer camp, I had reached out to several family members and close friends asking their opinions and thoughts. Overwhelmingly, I would say, the response was that I should take the risk and go. I had reconciled my fears with this decision and even directly told several of my friends, "if they offer me the job, I'm going, no matter how scary it is." As I am somewhat infamous for my inability to hold a decision, I also told each not to let me change my mind. Well, yesterday when I was officially offered the position of overnight camp counselor, I turned it down.

Why?, you might ask. Well, the only thing I had planned for the summer was refereeing soccer for the local youth league. I had committed to reffing a ton of games this summer, and as a high-level official, it would be nearly impossible for my reffing coordinator to find enough subs to cover the 23 games I have left. Additionally, as many of those close to me know, I value promises and commitments very highly. While I hadn't promised the league anything, I had made a commitment to them and felt very uneasy about breaking this commitment. In my mind, this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Because I aim to act as Christ wants me to, I recognized that I had a responsibility to honor commitments I made first. At the same time, however, I thought God wanted me to give my summer to him through working at the summer camp. After much prayer, deliberation, and frustration, I decided to turn down the position.

My crazy broski - whom I'll be able to spend more time with this summer!
(and my mom peeking up in the corner)

As a whole, this decision reflects my greater philosophy: as a Christian, I am called to serve God. While giving up my control to him and letting him direct my time is crucial, doing so is meaningless unless we strive to make our everyday actions reflect Christ's love. While going to the camp would have been of direct service to God, breaking previous commitments would not reflect my hope to live a life as Christ did.

As I hung up the phone after declining the offer, I admit I was still torn - unsure if I had made the right decision. I can say, however, that, after I receiving two different emails within an hour of this decision about potential summer internships around the area, I know in my heart God commended me for my decision. Once again, I am still learning about letting go of my own plans for the summer and giving control to God. Just when I thought I knew what was right for me, He showed me that His plan is far larger and greater than anything I could come up with on my own.

Finally, as one of my close friends told me while I was deciding, "Whatever decision you make will be the right one. Trust in God, and you'll choose the right one." She's right, so if you're facing a difficult choice, be confident that through prayer, you are sure to choose correctly!

-Theresa

Something Big is in the Works!

They always say things happen when you least expect them...I'm going to change that and say that good things happen when you finally give up your control and let God take control. All of the plans I kept creating for myself this summer kept falling through. Finally, I gave up control. I prayed for God to reveal his plan for me. For me, relinquishing control over anything.. from my evening to my summer...is something I struggle with. 

I did my best, though, and I'm happy to say that I just finished a phone interview for a Christian summer camp counselor position! I think the interview went well, but they have to receive two more of my references before they can contact me about my position. If I'm offered the position, I'd be starting at the end of next week - which doesn't give me much time! I'm praying for the grace to give my summer to God, however, and I'm excited to see what he has in store for me. 

All of my friends have been super supportive of me, which is reassuring. Three of my closest friends have said to me what I've come to realize as one of the most reassuring phrases: "I'm proud of you." I'm still slightly terrified at the idea of giving my summer up to spend it with people I've never met before, but knowing that my friends are behind me is helping me to boost my confidence. 

Regardless, now this is out of my hands (although in reality, it probably has always been out of my hands) - and I'm praying for God to give me courage and peace no matter what the outcome is! By the time you hear from me again, I believe I'll have made a decision!

Until then, I leave you with the simple suggestion of not being afraid to let something unexpected happen!