I know the sun will rise!

I realize it's been a while since I last posted an update about my life. A lot has happened, so I will be brief about each. Spring semester at UW-Madison is well underway; at the end of the month, I have 4 midterms in 4 days. That being said, however, I'm managing to stay afloat much better this semester. Classes are difficult, but my base level of happiness and peace is leaps ahead of where it was in the fall. Winter is dragging on and on, although the high of 40 today brings much needed relief from the cold!

This morning, I bought my subscription to Coaching Actuaries, a website designed to give us actuaries the best chance of passing the actuarial exams. I used their services for Exam P and was very pleased with the result, so I've decided to use it again for Exam MLC, which is now 69 days away! I'm a little nervous, but I'm also hoping that I will be studying little by little to avoid the awful stress when my countdown reaches single digits.

This Thursday marks the 4 year anniversary of Natalie Bolin's death. Natalie was a swimming teammate of mine in high school, who died in a car accident involving 3 other swimming teammates. It's an emotional time, although also an inspiring one. Natalie's motto was I know the sun will rise. I've been striving to apply that mindset to my daily life. Natalie's birthday was also in February, on the 27th. This would have been her 21st birthday, so my home swim team hosts a memorial swim in which swimmers complete 21 repetitions of some distance. I didn't go to the event this year, although yesterday I swam 21x100's on my own. It was a tough workout, considering I have not been staying in shape as much as I'd like to, but I finished it! It was thrilling to finish in honor of Natalie.

Finally, my other big news is that I'm planning to study abroad next fall! I have almost completed my application, and will be submitting it shortly. My finalized list (at least for now) of top choices is:

1. Oslo, Norway
2. Vienna, Austria
3. Copenhagen, Denmark

To say that I'm excited would be to understate my enthusiasm. Not many of my close friends at school know about it yet, because I wanted to wait until it was finalized. Regardless, the friends that do know about it are excited with me!

I should probably be getting back to studying, so goodbye for now! Prayers for God's will in my adventures next fall, as well as all those who are affected by/remembering Natalie this week would be greatly appreciated! May the sun keep shining down on all of you. :)

-T

Merry Christmas!

Well, wow. I've survived another semester at the University of Wisconsin. It's been quite a while since I've posted, but this just means I have lots to catch you up on!

After struggling with depression for the first couple months of this semester, I can joyously say that God has been helping me recover, slowly but surely. I have a few friends who have tirelessly been there for me throughout this entire process, and for them, I am eternally grateful. God graced me with extremely patient, kindhearted people to stay the course with me, and most importantly, to constantly lead me back to Him even as I continuously push Him away. With that, however, I have had some trouble separating my emotional stability from these friendships. One in particular, prayed with me countless times, and I found myself often turning to him even before I reached out to God. In the past couple of weeks, through little fault of his, he has been distanced a bit and we've been talking less and less. At first, this was excruciatingly difficult for me - an unanswered text left me in tears and feeling distraught. Little by little, however, I've been praying that God help me to rely only on Him for my joy. At this point, although I still find myself sometimes feeling like I need to talk to my friend, I have been much more content to let him be, focusing my attention on God instead. As my winter break continues on, I'm not sure if God is planning for our friendship to pick up again or fizzle out quietly, but I'm learning that as long as God is in charge, I will be ok with either outcome.

After over committing myself to Cru at the beginning of the semester, I took a gigantic step backward. What last year had been something I eagerly awaited to connect me to Jesus had become an obligation. By association, therefore, spending time with Jesus had become an obligation - something that I had to do, and therefore began to dread. In order to find my own personal passion for following Christ again, I stepped back and began a more personal journey with God. I still attended a Bible study each week, but stopped going to the large group meetings and decided to stop leading the freshman Bible study. Looking back, I'm glad this decision was made, and I'm looking forward to becoming more involved once again with Cru this coming semester. I plan to begin an in-depth study of Romans with my discipler and continue to grow closer with the wonderful group of ladies in my bible study. To begin this next step in my faith journey, I'm soon headed to TCX, a winter conference held by Cru in the twin cities. I'm both scared and excited - although I know several people in Cru, I don't know any of them well. I'm hoping that God provides people willing to room with me and take me in, so I can begin to develop closer friendships with my fellow Badger Cru members.

Because this is already turning into a long-winded post, I'll cut my other updates into shorter little tidbits:

• I have started swimming a bit again. The first half of this past semester I was attending Club Swimming practices fairly regularly, and hope to schedule them in more consistently for the coming semester. 
• I have officially accepted a summer actuarial internship position at a consulting firm near Milwaukee, WI. After a month or so filled with extensive interviews and even a few plane rides and fancy hotels, I am confident that my coming summer will be a wonderful opportunity to grow both professionally and personally.
• I finished the semester with a 4.0! My appeal to apply to the Business School, despite being over the credit limit, was granted, and I plan to apply this coming spring. 
• My roommate from first semester is studying abroad next semester, so I will be soon assigned my fourth random roommate - prayers that God helps me use this situation in whatever way He plans would be greatly appreciated! 
• As some of you may remember, I had some issues with my current group of friends at the beginning of the semester, many of which stemmed from my depression as their root cause. God has faithfully and gracefully worked to restore these friendships through honesty and forgiveness. Although there are still some moments that are tough, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with these women in my life. 

That's all for now - I doubt that I will post again before leaving for TCX, so I wish you all a very happy new year! May God bless the end of 2013 and bring in a wonderful 2014!

Well, Wow.

In the past week and a half or so, my life has been a rollercoaster, as cliche as that sounds. I've been struggling a lot with sliding back toward depression and pulling myself away from my friends. At the same time, I've been exceedingly overcommitted with classes, work, various clubs and organizations, and BadgerCru. Just as my excitement and passion for being back on campus was being drained away by all of these things, my closest friends here and I had a fairly large misunderstanding. I'll spare you the details, but basically what transpired left me in a much worse place than where I had started the week - not the thing I needed to be added to my plate. So, that was last Wednesday night - I was up until 3:30 AM, crying, tossing and turning, frustrated, and angry. As you may imagine, that's not a good combination.

Luckily, even though these friends were not understanding what I needed, I latched onto my family and a couple other close friends and through the grace of God, I made it through the remainder of the week. During the weekend, I hung out with other friends and my sister, brother-in-law and niece came to visit! Even aside from the turmoil happening with my friends, however, I've been feeling discontent.

This brings me to the next "big thing." As you may or may not know, I was planning to co-lead a freshman bible study here on campus. The troubling thing was, however, that I had begun to dread all things having to do with Cru and the bible study. I am so overcommitted, that I started viewing this bible study as an obligation - something I was being forced to do instead of something I wanted to do, something that I was choosing to help me pursue Jesus and help others to do the same. In turn, I could tell I was starting to feel resentment toward my faith in general. The things I was doing last year because I wanted to grow closer to God were now more like things I had to check off my list for the week. I have been growing farther away from Jesus. After praying and talking this through with my co-leader and mentor, I decided to take a step back and focus on my personal relationship with God right now. As with backing out of the summer camp counselor position, I can't help but wonder if I'm doing this for selfish reasons - if I'm just afraid to commit to anything lengthy involving my faith. It's something I'm still struggling with and I'm trusting God will help me see what he has in store for me/give me the courage to commit to the opportunities he wants me to commit to.

So, though a lot of things have been stressful, I have been focusing on the little blessings in my life. The next few weeks are when a lot of interviews for summer actuarial science internships occur - and I already have 4 interviews scheduled! I don't know what will transpire, if anything, from these, but I recognize that I'm blessed to even have the opportunity to interview with four different companies.

Additionally, I have started swimming with the UW-Madison swimming club! It seems to be the perfect commitment. I've gone to two practices so far, and it's so great to be surrounded by people who like to swim and will keep me somewhat accountable for working out. I'm not sure yet if I will be travelling with the team, but either way - it seems to be a good fit for me and a wonderful way to relieve some of the stress.

Lastly, perhaps the most troubling thing of the past few weeks has been the spike in violence in and around campus. On Wednesday night, much of the University of Wisconsin campus went on lock down, as there were shots fired on a street just off campus, and the gunman fled into campus. Additionally, there have been numerous armed robberies/muggings/break-ins. While I have never been afraid to walk across campus before, extra safety precautions are a must now - even as early as 9:00 at night. It's both saddening and frightening, and I am praying that God protect our campus and strengthen the men and women working to keep us safe!

I hope you are blessed by the little things this week. As for me, I'm off to the Badger game! On Wisconsin!

-Theresa

Go Badgers!

Two of my friends and I cheering on
 the Badgers at their home opener

Two football games in, and we've outscored our opponents 93-0. What a start! Because I was lucky enough to get season tickets this year, I've been to both games (which were very very hot). It's always electrifying to be in Camp Randall on game day, and these days were no different. The singing of Varsity at the beginning and end of the game is always enough to give me chills.

Hanging out at the Union

Unfortunately, however, I've had a bit of a rough start otherwise. I've had good moments, and made good memories, but I feel like I just have this curtain of doubt and unhappiness that I keep falling back on. I'm struggling with my faith and with my friendships and overall trust - in God, in my friends and in myself. I'm very seriously doubting my ability to lead a Bible Study this year, as I'm already finding myself dreading all things involved with that commitment.

Last night, I was talking to a close friend of mine about all of this - something I find incredibly difficult. It's hard for me to acknowledge my struggles and talk openly about things I'm having a difficult time with. I feel like I am a burden to my friends and that I'm relying on them to fix problems that are not at all their responsibility or obligation to deal with. Of course, they claim that it's not a problem, but I can't help but feel guilty.

I'm doubting my faith, something I've never really dealt with before, and because so many people see me as being so confident in Christ, I'm not sure who to turn to. Tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with my co-leader for bible study, and I'm praying for the courage, strength, and honesty to tell her all of this, but I'm just not sure that I can. If any or all of you could say a prayer for me, I'd appreciate it greatly. I know that God allows us to struggle in our lives and it can help us to grow, but right now I'm just feeling like I'm suffocating.

Classes have started, work has started, I'm pushing away my friends, and I'm doubting my faith. Things are crashing in on me, and I'm struggling for the strength to keep moving forward. I need to cling fast to my life motto - "Life goes on."

I'm thankful for supportive friends and family and all of the blessings I've been given in my life - I pray that you are feeling loved and blessed in your own life, too!

Back in my city!

Yesterday morning, I arrived in Madison for the semester - to be honest, I was extremely excited to be back all summer, and then just the beginning of this week I started having second thoughts. My little brother's birthday was Monday night, and then Tuesday and Wednesday I took him to school in the morning. Because yesterday morning was the last time I'll see him, I gave him a hug and then I almost cried on the way back to my house. It was sad!

Now that I'm here, however, I'm happy to be back with my friends. About half of our "pod" has arrived - there are 10 girls in a pod, and 7 of us all knew each other and chose to live in a pod, and then my roommate and one of the other rooms were random girls. My roommate seems nice and easy to get along with, so I'm not too worried! Last night, after we were all moved in and made it through our house meeting, we all just hung out and caught up a bit. Tonight should be more of the same! 

Colleen and I in front of our "second home"
(also, note my reddish hair!!!!)

Today I haven't done much exciting - my friend Colleen and I ran a  few errands- picking up our football tickets, going to Walgreens, and stopping in front of the business school - the place we like to call our second home. All in all, I've walked about 4 miles today - definitely a sign I'm back on campus! Then, tonight I hit up the pool with Colleen to swim a quick workout, before meeting a few other people from our floor. The people I've met have all seemed friendly and nice, so I'm optimistic for this year!



Adios for now!
-Theresa

Sweet Summer Days

I've just begun my last week at home - and by week, I really mean only 2 more days before I leave for Madison! I have a lot of packing yet to do, although I'd have to say I'm currently more on track this year compared to last year. Last year, I was up all night before moving into the dorm, running to the store to get things and pack up the car. As one might imagine, this led to a long, exhausting day and wasn't the best first day to be away from home. SO, this year I'm trying not to repeat!

This past week, I finished my last day of work on Thursday - although it was a very anti-climatic end. The prior week, I confirmed with my boss that I would be done this Thursday, and then when I went to leave work on Thursday and awkwardly said, "So, this was my last day..", my boss was shocked. He had completely forgotten when I was going to be done. As a result of this lack of communication, I have to go back next week, but only for a free lunch, which I think I can handle. :)

On Friday and Saturday, I was in Whitewater at a Cru Leadership Advance retreat. It was a chance for all of the men and women who will be leading at either Whitewater or Madison to meet up, determine goals for the upcoming year, develop a plan, and ultimately pray for our campuses. It was wonderful to be back in such a supportive community after somewhat of a rough summer for me spiritually. I've been struggling a bit to keep my faith, lately finding that I've been questioning and doubting God a lot. So, strengthening my community with all of these spiritually encouraging people was awesome. I will be helping to lead a freshmen women's bible study with a close friend and my bible study leader from last year. This means that I will have to personally strengthen my ability to share my faith and approach people to initiate spiritual conversations. This is something that I think I will struggle with, so I will absolutely be praying for God's strength to help me and lead me to the freshmen ladies he wants me to speak with!

Today, I was in Madison at my aunt's hair salon with my mom - and I dyed my hair! I'm the chief of last-minute decisions (mostly because I'm also the chief of indecision), so once we got there, I decided to dye my hair a dark reddish brown! It's not too big of a change, but it's just enough that I can start the school year feeling a little bold!

I'm off to pack, and this is probably the last time you'll hear from me until I am once again living in Madison! That is both terrifying and exciting! I'm very excited to see the ways God will move me this year - I'm sure it will be an adventure!

-T

Refreshed, Rejuvenated, Ready to Go!

After a long, dragging week, I had a great weekend! It was a great kickoff to my last week of work! (yay yay yay!) Friday afternoon, I was able to leave work a half hour early, and headed over to the YMCA to get an hour swim in - I went 2500 yards, which was the longest workout of the week, and finished with 50 yard freestyle sprint, clocking in at 29 seconds! For many of you, this is probably fairly meaningless, but to swim a 29, from a push off the wall (as opposed to diving off a starting block/side of the pool), after only a week back in the water was exciting and motivating! I'm looking forward to heading back to the Y tomorrow afternoon after work, hopefully to swim another 2500 yard workout.

After my swim, our family went to Subway for dinner, and then my mom and I headed to the mall to do a little bit of shopping. I'm not typically much of a shopper - I get bored with it really quickly, but this excursion was fairly successful! After we got back, we met up with my dad and treated ourselves with frozen yogurt. It was a wonderful low-key evening.

Yesterday was a bit more hectic, but fun nonetheless. I spent the day reffing a 3v3 soccer tournament, which featured some really good teams. Because the fields and teams were so small, the play was faster than the typical soccer game I ref, and other modifications to the rules added to the challenge, but it was a relatively good experience! As an added bonus, I ended up getting paid a dollar per game more than I was expecting!

The "brownies" (note hair color)

The gang out for dinner!

Last night, I headed out to dinner with 5 of my close friends from high school. We ate at a semi-fancy restaurant (to give you context, it was the same place that we went for one of our homecoming dinners - fancy enough, but not overly pricey.), then had a night of facials, Pitch Perfect, and a baking adventure that ended in strawberry-blueberry cobbler! Tasty! This week, our group begins to disperse to our respective colleges, as the rest of us slowly follow in their footsteps. It was a great time reminiscing and catching up, but it also reminded me of the weird dynamic of having two entirely different lives now - one at school with all of those friends, and one back home with all of these friends. Luckily, I've been blessed with good friends in both places.

Finally, today was mostly about family. Beginning this morning, at church, I saw two people who are very dear to me - Mike and June. The past three years, they have hosted foreign exchange students. The first one, I was very good friends with, and therefore came to know Mike and June, who are much like second parents to me now. Additionally, I will admit that I have an attraction to anything foreign - people, places, things - so that definitely is a big draw, too. They just welcomed a new foreign exchange boy from Hungary into their home, so I'm excited to get to know him better!

This afternoon my older brother was home, my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and aunt and uncle came over to swim and grill out. It was laid back and not completely overwhelming like some of our family get togethers can be. The food was delicious, our pool was warm, and the sun was out - what a perfect day! We even introduced my aunt to geocaching - and the cache we found had awesome camouflaging - a log had been cut into two pieces, and then a hole had been drilled into one of the pieces, where a pill bottle was placed. The other end was reattached so that the log was in one piece again - so, in order to find the cache, you had to notice that the wood had oddly been cut all the way around. My brother-in-law made this observation, and we came back to supper satisfied (and hungry)!

Although I'm certainly not looking forward to the next week of work, I'm down to only four days left. This weekend has been a good kick-off to my final week, so I'm hoping the next four days continue the trend!

I hope the last few days of your summer find you relaxing in the sun!
-Theresa